Hello there! That is, if anybody is still there? 😉 This summer has proved nearly impossible to blog with any sort of regularity. We’re having a great summer, but man alive…it’s flying by, and we’ve been busy.
I could tell you all about the fun things we’ve done, and we’ve certainly done our fair share. I could show you the fun photos we’ve take, capturing goofy memories and silly faces. But not today. Today, my heart feels the need to talk, and my heart likes to do that through words. And so as you read my words, know that you’re reading my heart.
The past two nights have been restless nights of sleep. Filled with dreams of various people going through numerous struggles, my heart aches even in my sleep.
We’re walking hand-in-hand with another loved one, both of us needing significant work on our houses, likely costing so much more than either of us are able to handle. And just yesterday, sitting in the parking lot of the pediatric orthodontist, gathering my thoughts about the painful (and extremely expensive) dental work one of my children needs. Sitting there, overwhelmed, when the door of our very tired old van makes a horrible noise, reminding me all too clearly how much we need a new vehicle, and how we can’t swing all of those expenses right now.
And then there’s things so much more significant and painful. Loved ones struggling through miscarriage. Others desiring long for a child, unable to see that dream fulfilled. Loved ones wading through disheartening news regarding the health of their unborn child. Heavy things.
In my dreams the past two nights, I have unsuccessfully tried to fix each and every one of these things. I saw myself working tirelessly to remedy each situation, and then awoke at 3:45 AM in a sort of panic attack…realizing fully that I have no control over anything. And while that realization makes me feel completely helpless and somewhat stranded, it also has reminded me how much I need to depend on the ONE who does have control. Over everything.
A pastor at church last Sunday said something that is radically changing the way I am trying to respond to these pressures in life.
“God is far more interested in our response to difficulties than He is in our relief from them.”
Wow! I’ve been praying a lot lately that my response to difficulties in my life and in the lives of those I love would be honoring to God. That I would stop desiring to fix everything, and start resting in His sovereign hand. That I would come up alongside those I love, hold their hands, cry with them if they need a good cry, and love them unconditionally through their struggles.
I’ve also been singing this song over and over to myself the last couple days. Encouraging!!
To be honest, I’m not entirely sure why I felt the need to share my heart today. Maybe it’s because I know that if we’re all honest with each other, we’re all struggling in our own ways. And while I know everyone handles their struggles differently, I wanted to share with you how God has been challenging my heart lately. That maybe it might encourage you as it’s encouraged me?
So to anyone who is reading this today and struggling through something in their life, know that you’re not alone. Know that there are people in your life who love you very much, and want to walk through life with you. And know that even in the deepest darkest times, God is good. He loves you…more than you know.