Lately my life has felt a bit like a living paradox. A life filled with happenings and events that make my heart feel simultaneously opposing emotions. Exciting and important…two words on my heart this morning.
As a homemaker and stay-at-home mom, I am living my dream. As a child I dreamed of a husband, a house filled with children, fresh meals on the table each night, and a white picket fence to top it all off. While I still don’t have my white picket fence, my longings have been fulfilled in so many ways. And in that my heart rejoices. Exciting and important. All at once.
Yet I feel like there’s a false assumption (especially in blog-land) that one must continually find joy in their blessings…that if I always focus on the thanks, my heart will not feel differently. I’ll be the first to admit how untrue that is in my life. While my heart does overflow with thanks to God for all He’s given, there are times my heart senses those paradoxes to which I referred earlier.
Changing diapers…Exciting? No. Important? Yes.
Scrubbing toilets…Exciting? Definitely not. Important? For cleanliness sake, yes.
Clipping coupons and shopping sales on a one-income household…exciting? Debatable. Important? Certainly, and necessary.
Going to bed at 9:30 each night in order to be rested for the 5AM start of the day…Exciting? Hardly. Important? Very.
Wiping runny noses. Cleaning dirty hands. Kissing boo-boos. Combing hair. Endless laundry. Mouths to feed. Clothes to buy. Yard work. Vacuuming. Dusting. Baking. Cooking.
There are times in my life when my many jobs seem both exciting and important. But to be completely honest, there’s also times when they seem not-so-exciting…dare I even say, boring? While I can truly say I’ve never questioned the importance of any of them, I do sometimes find them mundane.
My brother just got a call to visit a semi-professional football team for a possible chance to play for them. My sister is planning her beautiful wedding, amazing honeymoon to Hawaii, and move to a beautiful farm. Facebook friends post summer vacation plans and photos of trips to exotic places. These things? These are exciting! And important. All at the same time. But I struggle to not think of them as more exciting than the daily routine at the Archer household.
And so today, in my heart I am wrestling. Waging war against the temptation to sulk. While this stage of my life might not be super fantastically exciting compared to others, I must still find the joy. The fact that my work is important to the lives of my family members should be excitement enough. I know that. And there within lies the paradox.
Maybe all of these feelings have to do with the fact that as of tomorrow morning, I will no longer be in my 20’s. A new adventure in my 30’s begins tomorrow. Another paradox entirely!
My reason for posting this is simple…I want to be an honest voice in blog-land. To let readers know that while I am entirely satisfied and in love with the life God has blessed me with, there are hard days. Days when I’d like to go on an exciting trip or even try out for a semi-pro football team (okay, so maybe not that).
The point is this…life is (and always will be) full of paradoxes. And that’s okay. These opposing feelings are all a part of my story, and I want to share that story in as honest a way as possible. What’s a fairytale without both a villain and a hero? What’s a novel without both a plot and a happy ending? My story is no different…there are good days and bad, joyful moments and sad, and they all meld together to create a wonderful story. One that I will tell my children, and one that I hope they’ll pass on for generations to come. Will you join me? Embrace your paradoxes? Tell your story? I’d love to hear it.