This boy…oh, this boy. God knew I needed this boy, yet I often wonder if I’m equipped to raise him. Seriously.

Just look at that picture…it says it all…
My name is Titus.
I am curious.
I am relentless.
I love to explore.
I fall down the stairs, scrape my nose, and get right back up again.
Nothing stops me or gets in my way.
I find great joy in making messes and watching Mommy clean them up.
I never sit still.

Yesterday was not my crowning moment as a momma to this boy. After cleaning up the entire container of peanut butter he smeared all over the living room, I wasn’t sure I could handle any more of his curious adventures.

I even “jokingly” asked a friend of mine if she’d like to take him home with her…I was ready to give him away for a few hours of peace and quiet. Oh, how blissful some time alone sounded.

Then I fed him his bedtime bottle (yep, I know, he’s a year old and shouldn’t need it, but it’s the only time I can actually snuggle him), kissed his chubby cheek, and laid my baby boy in his crib for the night. When I tucked him in, I watched him sleep. Watched. Prayed.

5:30 this morning, and I hear that a couple from our church said goodbye to their 4 month old baby girl as she slipped into eternity in the night.

I read of the toddler battling cancer and having yet another surgery today.

I read of the baby girl fighting for her life and health in a near-by hospital.

I pray for a friend who lost her tiny unborn baby just last week.

And I weep.
I am broken.
I am convicted.
I am shamed.

Oh, the blessings that are wrapped up in those hard days. Why did I choose to focus on the inconvenience of the day’s happenings? Why not choose joy, amidst the sometimes frustrating circumstances?

This little man might be relentless and exhausting to me at times, but he is healthy, thriving, and full of life. THAT is more than I deserve and almost more than I can wrap my head around today. Titus James, you are more fun wrapped up into one little life than I ever thought possible. Your eyes see things that I wish my eyes could see. I want to see life with the adventure that you see. I want to throw caution to the wind and explore with you. I want to experience new and exciting things with you.

I want to learn, so keep teaching me. Teach me that cleaning up peanut butter on the furniture is a lesson in patience. Teach me that chasing an ant on the driveway is fascinating. Teach me that pushing buttons on everything in the house is thrilling. Show me what you see, and I promise dear boy, I will try to learn. I love you, son…more than you will ever know.

Love always,